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Etiquette Tips

Funeral Etiquette

We've put together a short guide to help you pay your respects with courtesy.

What to Wear

What to Wear

Try to find out the dress code before you attend, so that you can be sure you’ll dress appropriately. If you aren't sure, simply try to dress in a conservative way that shows respect for the family and other mourners. For men, a suit and a conservative tie is usually a safe bet. Women should generally wear a conservative dress, skirt, or pants with a tasteful blouse.

Religious & Ethnic Customs

Religious & Ethnic Customs

Traditions and customs differ among various communities, ethnic groups, and religions, and it's often helpful to ask beforehand about any special considerations. We can answer many of your questions and can point you toward resources that offer more information.

Emotions

Emotions

A funeral is an emotional time, and grieving is a natural part of the healing process. Do not feel uncomfortable if you or the bereaved begins to cry. However, if you find yourself becoming extremely upset, it is kinder to excuse yourself to avoid increasing the strain on the family.

Greeting the Family

Greeting the Family

Upon arrival, approach the family and express your sympathy with an embrace or by offering your hands. Do not feel that you should avoid talking about the person who has died...in fact, talking can help the grieving process to begin.

What to Say

What to Say

Express your sympathy in your own words, however it feels right to you. Kind words about the loved one who has passed are always appropriate, and a simple “I'm sorry for your loss” or “My thoughts and prayers are with you” can be meaningful and comforting for the bereaved.

What Not to Say

What Not to Say

Do not ask the cause of death; if the family wants to discuss it, let them bring it up. Avoid giving unsolicited advice, or making comments that might unintentionally diminish the importance of the loss, such as "I have been through this before."

Paying Respect

Paying Respect

At a service with an open casket, it's customary to show your respect by viewing the deceased and, if you wish, spending a few moments in silent prayer. The family may escort you to the casket, or you might approach on your own. Viewing the deceased is not mandatory, however, and you should do what is comfortable to you.

How to Act

How to Act

After you have offered your condolences to the family, it is perfectly appropriate to engage in quiet conversation with friends and other associates of the deceased who attend the visitation. Do not feel that you have to stay longer than you feel comfortable; your presence means a lot to the family, no matter how long or short the visit.

Signing the Register

Signing the Register

Be sure to add yourself to the register book, using your full name so that the family can identify you in the future. It's also helpful to add information about how you knew the deceased — through work, social clubs, school, etc.

Flowers & Gifts

Flowers & Gifts

Sending flowers, making a donation, or giving a memorial gift are all meaningful gestures to let the bereaved know that they are in your thoughts. The simplest of tributes can be of great comfort to the family, and can express your sympathy when words just are not enough.

Turn Off Your phone

Turn Off Your Phone

If you choose to bring your phone into the funeral home, take a moment to make sure you've turned it off, or, at the very least, on silent or vibrate.

Cemetery Etiquette

When visiting a cemetery, these tips will help you enjoy a peaceful experience.

Follow the Rules

Follow the Rules

Most cemeteries have a sign posted near the entrance listing rules specific to the property. Follow the rules and observe any floral regulations they might have set. Make sure to follow and obey the cemetery hours.

Drive with Care

Drive with Care

Make sure to follow the roadways and remain off the grass. Drive slowly, and watch out for people who might not be paying attention. If the lane is narrow and another car approaches, offer to move your car until the other driver can get through.

Respect the Grave

Respect the Grave

Don't touch any monuments or headstones; this is not only disrespectful, but may cause damage to the memorials — especially older ones. Never remove anything from a gravestone, such as flowers, coins, or tributes that have been left by a family.

Look After Your Children

Look After Your Children

If you bring children, make sure to keep a close eye on them and keep them from running, yelling, and playing or climbing on graves and monuments. Teach them to act in a respectful and considerate manner.

Speak Softly & Politely

Speak Softly & Politely

Be respectful to other mourners: remember to keep your voice down when having conversations, and avoid using bad language.

Lower Volume

Lower Volume

If you choose to bring it with you, take a moment to ensure that your cellphone is turned off. Avoid having phone conversations, as voices tend to carry in open spaces. Make sure to turn off your car stereo while driving or parking in the cemetery.

Be Respectful of Services & Other Mourners

Be Respectful of Services & Other Mourners

If a funeral is occurring, take care not to get in the way of processions. Respect their privacy and give them their space.

Speak Softly & Politely

Speak Softly & Politely

Be respectful to other mourners. Remember to keep your voice down when having conversations. Make sure your phone is muted or turned off.

Don't Leave Trash Behind

Don't Leave Trash Behind

Use designated receptacles if they are provided, otherwise hang onto your trash and take it with you when you leave.

Leash Your Pets

Leash Your Pets

Some cemeteries allow pets on their grounds. Before you bring your pet along, check to make sure it is not against the rules, and keep them on a leash at all times.

*For further questions, please contact a member of our staff.

Dee Funeral Home & Cremation Service
caring@deefuneralhome.com  | (978) 369-2030
27 Bedford Street, Concord, MA 01742

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